The Wait!!!

Sometimes I feel the warmth in the silence, sometimes the sound of nothing scares me.
Sometimes I love company, sometimes being surrounded by people makes me feel alone.
Sometimes I feel I can keep going for ages, sometimes as if I am horribly tired.
Actually many times tired. But what am I actually tired of?
The Wait! The Endless Wait! The endless wait of as to when I would understand the stuff going around me. The endless wait, of when it would all make sense.
I hope, I know and I fully believe that everything happens for a reason. And at the right time it would all make sense. Only when the maximum number of the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle are fetched, does putting it all together would actually make sense. But amidst this, is the wait taking its toll? Is the wait crushing my beliefs with its paw or is the wait a part of the puzzle too??

Some people say that the journey to get to your goal makes you the person worthy enough to reach the goal. Its just like the piece of metal being filed to give it a good shape. But what if you didn’t know what was the goal, where you were destined to be, then this uncertainty starts meddling with your beliefs. Its like the metal that first guesses, oh yes this is the shape I am going to be, and then there continues the filing and the metal is again left to wonder of its destination.

And that is endless wait for me. And that’s what makes me tired. And somewhere deep within I realize that dealing with this wait would make me worthy enough for my destiny and it is at that time that it would all make sense.

But is the destination the only thing that matters? Or is it just a part of the entire process. What if the reaching the destination itself is not your destiny, but reaching there with right modes of transport, with the right attire and with the right twists and turns, the part of the entire plan? Maybe ending up there without all of these, would leave you clueless for the journey ahead. Maybe you’ll still have those angels and demons putting their case forward for you and you still do not have the wisdom to judge whats right and whats wrong.

And lo! The wait begins, and it carries its tools,
It punches its hammer onto the left,
It drills down a nail onto the right,
It makes me roll with the wind,
It forces me to stare at the sun…
And I keep waiting at its behest
For now, and a thousand times over.

?????

What do I do to myself?
Where do I soak my tears?
I carry a plastic smile on my face,
And always say "Who cares"!!!

I have buried the concern in my tone,
I have concealed my brow's turn,
But yet I am anxious,
If anyone would even notice, when I am gone.

There is a hole that is dug too deep,
There is a void that pushes me in too steep,
And what do I do to this face,
That is a picture of all these.

I get up as if I would never fall,
Then I fall as if I wouldn't be able to get up,
But where do I find this strength,
To get up again after this fall.

And then I say to myself,
Why shouldn't I soak my tears,
Why shouldn't I wear a smile,
To give a fist to who wants me in tears,
To give peace to who wants me to smile.... :)

Hope - Chestha's words

People say, when all windows of communication close for you, a door of hope opens.
The door which fights the despair,
the door which gives you strength,
the door which shows you the new you,
the door which leads you to your goal,
your new goal,
your actual goal.
For months, I’ve been waiting for the door to open, unable to understand what it would need of me,
unable to understand what it would unleash on me, unable to understand how good it would do to me.
My hope is that opening of the door. The hope that is alive for just one and only reason. The only reason is the number of reasons that I see around me.
When I see hatred ripping off the soul, I see love medicating it.
When I see bundle of lies trying to ruin a situation, I see the end result where truth triumphs.
When I see greed getting whatever it wants, I see selflessness gaining the utmost pleasure of giving.
When I see jealousy with a burning desire, I see self-content with a satisfaction.
This is the only reason of reasons that I wear a smile on my face, a smile which is a plastic one, with a hope that it would be real some day.
This is the why I mask my eyes full of despair with twinkling ones, with a hope that the mask would be removed some day.
This is why I articulate my words so that they don’t say people that I have lost a battle, but they would say me that I would win the war some day.

I am Proud to be an Indian

63 years of Independence, with India soaring high on the charts: from pollution to population, from poverty to inaccessibility to political leaders, from starvation to reservation. And we proudly say that “I am proud to be an Indian”. 63 yrs, many definitions changed, even the meaning of Independence day, from being a big festive occasion to a mere holiday which we curse if it falls on weekends. The journey which is as follows:
63 yrs earlier, we were proud to be Indian for wanting to live in this country, now for the highest brain drain rate.
Then for veergaddi, now for rajgaddi.
Then against partition, now for corruption.
Then against colonialism, now for regionalism.
Then for non-violence for uniting the country, now violence for dividing the country into states.
Then for “Atithi devo bhava”, now for laathis against the people from a different state.
Then for its revolutions, now for its 50% reservations.
Then for satisfied Indians, n now for it’s complaining Citizens.
We have seen many lacunas in the current system, with every right thing being in the wrong place. For instance, the money being at IPL instead of BPL (Below Poverty Line). The selection into government jobs on the basis of reservation than on education. The food supply on the basis of location than on total income of a family. Water being wasted at one place with people dying out of thirst at another. 24X7 electricity at one place and hardly 4 hours of street light at another.
There are many things that money and power has done wrong. But then too we are proud to be an Indian, because some things never change. We still are a country where family is given utmost importance. We still are a country where children are asked to memorize mathematics tables till 25, even when they have calculators so that we can make their minds sharper. We still are a country where we touch our teacher’s feet on Teachers Day. We still are a country where people from different religion freely live and talk to each other. We still are proud to be a country which had Aryabhatta and invented zero. We still are a country who believes in Ahimsa even though we have the third largest standing military in the world.
Yes, I am proud to be an Indian, not for the negatives listed above. But for trying even if there is the leanest hope to succeed. We are the ones who protest when any Jessica Lal is brutally killed. We are the ones who stand back again, the next day of being shot without mercy on the lanes of Mumbai. We are the ones who have their soldiers having sleepless nights fighting terrorists and nature at -4 degree Celsius. We are the ones who keep fighting in the name of religion, but if the country faces a difficult situation, fight back being united. We are the ones who have given the world the brains (scientists, businessmen, etc.) that have given a new direction to the human race. We are the ones who have “Unity in Diversity”, in its culture, in its flora and fauna, in its landscape, in its languages, in its clothing and attire and what not. Yes I am proud to be an Indian.

Life..... a contrast

Contrasts – Whenever I look around I feel something around me is not exactly behaving as to how it should be. It came in my mind this way. The other day when I started writing out my mind, I was pissed off with the fact that I had my mind boggling over a hundreds of thoughts. I almost heard all of it shouting loud within me claiming it to be the one I should start with. I got irritated and tried closing my mind so that it is emptied of all the thoughts. And suddenly I got something new and better in it. I kept thinking:
You block your mind to allow thoughts to come in. (I blocked it so that nothing comes in. I didn’t expect a solution).
You block your mind to allow thoughts to come in!!
You block your mind to allow thoughts to come in!!!!
How can something so erratic bring in peace? Sometimes I wonder as to how can things look so different when it actually needs to convey something else. And alas it conveys what it wants to. These happenings might sound weird for an onlooker but I am really amused by the way it exudes its concealed beauty. ..
Sometimes you feel like being perfectly the opposites at the same time.
Look into yourself, your mind is perplexed and you need it to be in peace. But for that peace within you, you feel like yelling out loud.
Sometimes you actually need to escape the suffocation within you, but for that you confine yourself to closed spaces.
You walk in the crowd for searching your own self.
You go on a fast drive so that you can analyze your life in a slower pace.
You want to talk to people expecting them to just listen to you.
You listen to loud music hoping that it would nullify the frustration within you.
You run away from people to ward off loneliness.
You want to hate some person but end up loving him always.
You start from your home to fight with someone, but end up caressing the person.
My father once said that if you want strength then you need to have troubles because these troubles are the ones that make you strong. This again: You need strength to ward off troubles but you get it when you are full of troubles… 
That’s why I said Life is a simple and stupid web of contrasts. You want something you’ll have to undergo the pain and frustration within you to get it. And when you get it you are the happiest person in this world… but just for a second. You see someone else with something else and you need it. So ultimately it depends on what you want? The coconut shelled life which is hard to crack but has lots of tenderness inside. Or you would need a spongy life where your leg dips and you trip at every step of yours.

ME, WE and THEM

As ME walks through the path of life, there are always two voices swirling around ME. The worst part is: both are contradictory. Basically it is WE (modern extremes) against THEM (traditional extremes) convincing ME as to what is right and what not. On a flat terrain, the mortal combat is between generations dying to prove its superiority. And now the fight begins:

WE say live in the moment and THEY say think of the future.

WE say bikes are cooler and THEY say scooters are safer.

WE say rush is good and THEY say hush is better.

WE say “I have seen the present” and THEY say “past (experience) matters”.

WE say money is master and THEY say it ruins you faster.

WE say think of yourself and THEY say think of ourselves.

WE say be practical and THEY say be philosophical.

WE say principles change according to positions and THEY say principles gives rise to positions.

WE say “I can make a change” and THEY say one person never matters.

WE say technology makes life easier and THEY say it makes life messier.

WE say comfort brings happiness and THEY say it brings in you laziness.

WE say the culture we follow is the best and THEY say nowadays culture is lost.

WE say we have no time and THEY say you have to find time.

In all these confusion ME is perplexed and keeps wondering as to why he cannot have the best of both the worlds but there lies a divide in front of him. One which would make him a dude, as he is scared of becoming a dud. Second which would gain him respect in every aspect. ME close his eyes in despair still having the unanswered questions in his empty hands and then walks by on and on and on…….

Yet ME has to decide what to choose? WE, THEM or a perfect blend of both.